18 Months Away

“How was it?!” everybody asks.

A question I knew would arise all too often, and will most likely arise indefinitely through out my life.

I hope I can find that satisfying answer one day, but I know compromising words for my experiences in the world will never truly give justice the year and a half endeavor around our orbiting home.

For now, I will fight the feeling in my chest that wells up to the base of my throat, the feeling that pleads surrender to the dammed aqueducts behind my eye sockets. These days, I cradle myself to silence after each emotional wave of the remembrance and longing to live it all again.

In… Out.

Breathe.

Acceptance. Gratitude.

Change is inevitable.

Wait, what were those words of affirmation again?

I Am Loving Awareness.

To be honest, I didn’t know it would be this hard. Travelers warned me about reverse culture shock.

Find your routine, stay balanced in that, be close to nature, they would remind me.

I took their advice and whispered to myself, we won’t be there long. Whisking away the sadness was repetitive and I knew returning to the rat race laced throughout American culture would be suffocating nonetheless.

Over the last year and half, I have observed the lifestyles and cultures of 11 countries. Three within Europe, seven within Asia, and the most recent one of all, Australia. Over time I began to realize that my entire way of life transformed - brain patterns & mental health, spirituality, physical structure, appearance, awareness, confidence, diminishing fears around terrorism, security, and my own self-doubt.

My heart rate slowed with the pace of life in Spain. My attention to details strengthened in Scotland. Paris was a reminder that all cities have their pizazz, but that I could never truly call one home. The artificial islands in Dubai evoked a stillness, yet unearthing restlessness within. India gave me a silent mind, brought out my inner child, and reminded me how to live and make decisions purely with my heart. Nepal hardened me during the bustling time of the New Year, when locals saw me as a dollar sign rather than a friend. As I stood alone in the villages of Chitwan, I yelled out against the locals on top of the elephants stomping on their ears, smacking the tops of their skulls with bamboo sticks, after whipping them in the middle of the night - a tactic used to intimidate them into good behavior before tourists paid a a few dollars for a ride. They didn’t listen and told me to leave. In Nepal I was also cured by love, acceptance, and the resilience in the children I spent a week with at the Children’s Protection Center Orphanage outside the Chitwan National Park. I was overcome by inspiration when many of you donated your money in a few days time to raise $1,000 for those kids. In Cambodia I was entrusted with a photography assignment for Willow Creek Church with my brother Kyle. Six months teaching English in Vietnam harnessed creativity and a childlike serendipity that I lost earlier in life when I surrendered to a need to fit in in grade school. I regained my inner child and am thrilled to be able to get onto their level of imagination time and time again. A short stop over in Malaysia showed me just how prevalent drug use and homelessness is in any big city ridden with money and consumerism. In Java, I harnessed my mind during a 10-day Vipassana and witnessed growth in solidarity as strength in my mind grew while simply observing bodily sensations and sitting with inevitable pain. In Lombok, Indonesia I finally reunited with a surfboard and homestyle waves and was reminded of who I am and how the ocean heals. Australia, well Australia is a whole different story for another time. For now I’ll just say that I’ve never been felt so at home with a group of people or in a space of such wildness, than I did there. If you haven’t found that “tribe” of people, keep searching my friends. They are out there looking for you too.

This life seems long but I know this one will be short. And many will follow. So I strive to maintain peace and balance in the face of so many different paths to take.

Which one is right for this time? Will it take me where I need to go?

Breathe.

In… Out.

Change is inevitable.

I Am Loving Awareness.

There may not be sign posts to direct or warn us of the trials and tribulations ahead, but there definitely is magic. Lots of magic.