Society & Our Beloved, Distorted Reality
I've never extremely keen on pop culture, reading magazines, keeping up with politics, or following the lives of celebrities. I never found fulfillment or raw, genuine excitement in it. Yet, on the contrary, I am guilty of fantasizing an adulthood I subconsciously crafted in my imagination based on my interpretations of both media-driven and capitalistic-oriented lifestyles displayed on screen, or in print - something I've observed in myself, and others, to become importunately detrimental to a fulfilling life.
I'm no truth-bender. I like the obstacles that come with analyzing my life and not-so-favorable emotions so to better connect with all of you the pitfalls and downright depressors of our own existence so to better navigate those unpredictable and rough waters.
I used to imaginatively illustrate my future. Lit with colorful experiences, passionate relationships, animated friendships, and never ending outings and adventures, I schemed a future reality for myself based on what I saw as exceptional and worthy. Where I drew these conclusions from was no secret, but also not easily recognized or realized. I simply drew up a proposal in my mind of a life based on what I admired in the media and culture I lived in. Sounds kind of sad, huh? Well it wasn't at the time I was unconsciously doing it.
When I was child and my parents put me to bed still exuding energy, I'd often quietly sneak downstairs to watch whatever TV show it was they were enjoying on the couch together. Almost every time it'd be Friends, with the exception of Monday night Bachelor. Those various themes about adulthood, love, friendship, career paths, life in your 20s, subconsciously stuck with me and crafted my outlook and expectations about how life would be as a young adult. I'd catch myself fantasizing about the apartment I'd have in the city with my group of friends that completely understood me on all levels. I thought about office culture and what my job would be like, hopefully in a sky-rise building working for some hip magazine or news source, or a career resembling one on The Hills of course.
But now, as I make my way to 24, I realize how that was merely a feeling I expanded upon after watching the show. And somehow I assumed this small feeling would grow into this huge essence I'd call my lifestyle; that it would blossom into this marvelous larger-than-life story like one on television. Sounds somewhat crazy, am I right? But this is what pop culture does to us without filling us in on all the other bu*****t that comes with a seemingly perfect life of luxury. We're never truthfully told about the moments we'd feel no direction in what choice to make, what job to take, or how to pursue something abstract but of genuine interest. Or, what an authentic romantic relationship consists of, the good with the bad, the frustration with the reward, the holding on for dear life because that is what it takes to get through the deepest, darkest valleys together. Rarely are we encouraged by educational institutions, society, or our family to pursue something that isn't a 9-5, that doesn't include a sufficient salary, that may be art or something of similar risk.
There's an idealized reality atop a prized pedestal in pop culture that asserts its way into your mind, spirit too. You see, we are surrounded, I mean, surrounded, by media, pop culture, screens, competition, capitalism, seemingly original and exciting lifestyles that we starve for. All around us are figures showing us what constitutes a "good life" and eternal happiness. We pass time sitting on the couch, with the TV on, maybe not even intentionally watching, but absorbing stealthy messages advertising a life of status, joy, worth. We get a glimpse into the life of a made up character with a lavish backyard set up with tasteful furniture, a pool, barbecue, expensive TV, games, and deem that to be a life of excellence bringing happiness and friendship. We see the changing scenery from the mountains to a desert to the forest while a car drives over the various terrain. We subconsciously employ the idea that if we buy this car we'll have vibrant experiences that will add adventure to our lives.
We've been taught that status is important. That having a culturally "cool" job adds to the importance of your life to your friends and family. That having a sense of style and unique fashion improves your artistic value. At school it's implied that the people that have the most friends, do the most fun things, and in turn, live the happiest lives. We strive to make this status quo, this state of living gently stressed by media, pop culture, society. And if we don't fit the category, have status relevant to it all, a recognizable attribute, something particularly artistic and valuable, then we must be boring. Right? Because if you don't have these things, of what worth is your life? Why would someone want to be your friend? How is your life ever going to be as exciting as the ones on screen? I mean, you sure won't make it into the prestigious spotlight like accomplished icons so no doubt will you lack fulfillment or live a life of exploration, deep friendships, or a rewarding and purposeful career.
You see, it's these ideals imposed by the media that have nurtured and asserted a distorted persona within us. We've unknowingly and naively grown into a corrupt mindset fed by the advertisements, sitcoms, tabloids, film, video games, social media, and society, that glorifies these flashy capitalistic-lifestyles we think we desire. I say we "think," because I strive to remain confident in my belief that we think we agree with this illusion because we not know the hidden backstory, the troubled fallout behind the luxury. And I like to think we know by now, that a perfect life does not exist, and striving for it only brings darker days of comparison, sorrow, exhaust, and defeat, that eventually aid in the demise of our friendships, relationships, health, and wellbeing.
What we've got to dig deeper for, elsewhere than in pop-culture, is truth. What these companies and powerful puppet master world influencers don't share as easily is how you won't reach real success if you're not truthfully and genuinely happy during the process.
If you're not happy on the windy road, detailed with beautiful hues and contrast, some dark and some light, while trekking up the mountain to success, how are you going to be happy when you've summited? Maybe you'll be happy because its over and the painless and effortless ascend starts, but listen to the sound of that in your head... that doesn't ring wholly.
Happiness surely is in the moment you sign an apartment lease, get a new car, or buy an outfit that screams you. And maybe happiness is the influx of likes or retweets on your well-crafted Instagram or Twitter post. But, all of these moments are fleeting and will always be. Every moment we live is fleeting surely, but those moments where happiness comes from buying things or posting things on an iPhone app that is designed to release spurts of dopamine and oxytocin in your brain each time you log on, will not sustain your life.
Some things I've observed and truly surrendered to letting nurture and help prosper my good emotions and happiness are:
- Listening to music and noticing the smile sprouting across my face upon realizing how closely related the artist's words align with those buzzing around in my head.
- The rejuvenation attained when listening to a song or podcast that refreshes my head and helps reassure my thoughts about my thoughts - am I twisted? Is what I am thinking normal? Do I overthink too much? Will I ever be able to control my thoughts better?
- Understanding that my emotion, confidence, sadness, happiness, all fluctuate with different rhythms like the changing tides.
- Connecting with a stranger and realizing how similar we are, how our basic needs are the same, and really feeling empathy and unspoken support and love for one another.
Happiness can be something you feel for someone. You can feel happiness for your friend's success, for a painting someone created, for a well-written book that was published. You can feel happiness for the blossoming of rose buds whose bodies of thorns survived a long-endured painful winter. For the courageous ants leaving their community underground in search for food for their colony's survival. For the bush that grew healthily out a crack in the pavement.
But you must understand that this type of continuously flowing, healthy river of happiness, cannot be of abundance if we allow for pollution. When we agree with and adopt the habits and lifestyles on our screens and in the papers, we pollute our vision of ourselves. It's no longer what we want but what they want. It's the business that wants your money, it's the clothes that'll improve your style, worth, artistic intelligence and bring you acknowledgement. It's the furniture and home decor that keeps guests coming back to your home, it's the makeup and hair that'll attract the perfect partner, it's the car that will make your commute of luxury and magically, less traffic. It's all these things that amount to a reality of narcissistic distortion.
They don't tell you to mind your mind, to feed it well. To take breaks from immersion. They don't tell you to think twice about the food you're intaking, the amount you pay for a product, or how a business model may negatively exaggerate your perception of a life well-lived. They don't emphasize slowing down, turning off your phone, TV screen, or music, to just sit with your self. To sit quietly in observation of your life - how you feel, where your morals have deepened, how you love or loathe your job, what past decisions have contradicted a life well-lived. Sit with your imagination and the place your dreams reside. Are they the same as five years ago, do you still dream and hope for one day?
They don't tell you to "get in control of your life" unless it is in dealing with substance abuse, dropping out of school, being unemployed. Never do they encourage control over snap decisions, buying habits, need-to-impress consumeristic traits. Rarely does someone hint at society's harm of the soul and spirit. But, I shall tell you fear not! There are so many ways to regain hold of your inner child: that person you were before you became conditioned to impress, attain, grow hard, and subsequently adopt a greedy persona.
Good things to help you regain that soulful, spirited, wild nature - spend time with yourself while engaging with something you love, your passion. I sat at a coffeeshop two days ago listening to a podcast laughing to myself at the intimate and intricate remarks being made in the show that so perfectly correlated to the scenario I was sitting in. Happiness and ease can be felt lighting some candles and reading, sketching, journaling, meditating, stretching, doing yoga, listening to a podcast, maybe adding music to the scene and dancing if you feel like it. Look around your room or house, what can you give away to someone in more need than you?
Throughout our life we're waiting for the day to be over, for work to end, to be out of traffic, for our grocery shopping to go quick, all so we can have a moment of nothing - silence - calmness. A period with just ourself and no one else around. What we need to remember is that we can have that at any time throughout our day. It's a space in our mind, not our house, apartment, car. It's home within ourselves and it's so important. We all have it, some just have a hard time finding it, making the space more beautiful and accepting. Don't forget that. Remember that you are the only one who has to live with yourself for the rest of your life. If you can't make a home in there, one of positivity, acceptance, wonder, empathy, then you will be tired, everyday, all the time. The end of the day will always be at the forefront of your desire. And I think that once we can get into that space, we will be able to create and breed a life of sustenance, authenticity, good health and longevity, diversity, equality, empowerment, true sustainability.