How Do Our Reactions Shape Our Future?
Do you ever get so hung up on things completely out of your control to a level of taking it personally? Reactions, words, the opinions of others.
I like to think that I deal with situations maturely and wear a think skin when a certain circumstance demands. But in being honest, when I strip myself down to my rawest state, I can be pretty sensitive to people's words and actions I don't agree with.
"Why did this person need to have such a nasty attitude towards me?"
"Was I being too much of a burden at the check-out counter?"
"Was it something I said that made this person unfriendly?"
"Why aren't they replying to my messages? Was the conversation not meaningful enough? Is something else holding their attention better than I can?"
"I," "I," "I."
You get the point.
Extreme cases or not, we all tend to overthink and oftentimes our mind makes up answers to the questions we can't untangle. In some scenarios, we may assume a person is acting in a condescending way because of something we personally did or said. We might draw up delusional conclusions surrounding the said uncomfortable interaction. We may even start to feel sorry for ourselves and play the neglected child role because we haven't done anything to be treated poorly by someone else. *Cries*
But oftentimes these feelings are coming from an emotional psyche lacking confidence.
Hopefully these extreme circumstances resonate more with your teenage self than your adult self, but, nonetheless, we all know the struggle behind forging our own trail in a forrest full of fragile and temperamental personalities waging war against their own thoughts and decisions on what's right and what's wrong.
One of the first authors I read that introduced a knew tactic on dealing with sensitivity and taking things personally is Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements. He introduces the second amendment: "Don't take anything personally." Don't take anything personally, hmm, seems simple, seems logical.
I adopted the mantra right away and remember feeling bullet proof over those next few days. If any negative jabs entered my sphere of consciousness it wouldn't be because of something I said or did, but simply because of the inner workings of other person, their issues, their reaction or opinion potentially lacking understanding. I thought that as long as I was kind, gracious with my tongue, and giving my best self, how could I be in the wrong?
But I've started to question this.
Isn't it when we wholly involve ourselves, our opinions and philosophies, that we deepen our ability to understand the struggle of another person, in turn further expanding our ability to empathize? They way I see it, if we completely disregard what someone else is saying because it may cause us hurt or cause us to question our thoughts, we basically close ourselves off to truly understanding our neighbor, sympathizing, empathizing, opening a space of acceptance and pondering and being vulnerable.
I'm left with questions of more complexity than I can sort right now. I'm curious to know your opinion. How do you think we should react when faced with an insult from someone or hurtful words of black magic. Is it necessarily progressive to sit quiet and not take it personally? Surely we have the power in the situation when we can control our emotions and the fluctuations of our mind. When we remain calm and immune to the negativity. But where do we draw the line? When and how do we stand up and for ourselves?
1. How might not taking anything personally make me negligent to my own words and actions when interacting with others? Will I become more careless in how I act and what I say since the agreement states that the reactions of others have everything to do with them and nothing to do with me?
2. In not taking things personally am I dismantling my ability to empathize to the best of my ability?
3. When someone says something offensive that reflects their own issues, but is based off something I said, am I supposed to not take it personally? What harm do I cause by voicing my opinion?
4. What personal strength am I hindering by not standing up for my beliefs in the (above) situation?
5. How can we measure the strength in our voice when we sit quiet?
6. How does not taking anything personally hinder our ability to be vulnerable?
7. What role does vulnerability play in courage?
8. Ruiz says that to adopt this habit we need to become very, very self-aware, but to be self-aware, don't we have to question ourselves, challenge others' and their ideas, and sometimes even engage in those creative arguments or discussions that involve taking things to a personal level?
9. Ruiz also says that we must become immune to the opinions and actions of others in order to avoid being the victim of needless suffering. But I ask... how would being immune to the actions and viewpoints of Trump make me a warrior in the fight against injustice and inequality we're still facing today?
10. Doesn't growth and change stem from suffering? At least a little bit? We suffer then demand and fight for the situation to be changed.
11. In what ways are we dehumanizing ourselves by becoming immune to certain peoples opinions and actions? When we don't take it personally that big gaming companies get away with exposing young kids to extremely realistic gun violence and sexualization, how would we ever come to know that this influences higher rates of gun violence and even sexual assault?
12. And something simple when not taking something personally... do I seem weak for not standing up for myself? Will people start to take advantage of me when I don't take a stand on my beliefs?
And from the other side:
1. How does our civil dialect increase and grow more intimate when we don't take things personally?
2. How do the peaceful discussions better shape our future than ones of anger that enhance or prolong animosity?
3. How is my understanding of thyself increased when I don't take things personally? How is my self-confidence affected? What about my overall self-esteem? Am I more self-aware or less?
All food for thought. If anything fed your appetite, share it with me.
Hails